兒童暨青少年心理學家Georg Kormann 也強調：「我們必須保持嚴謹的態度。因社會環境的不同，某些可以增進韌性的因素也可能在個案中造成負面的影響。對於在貧困環境裡長大的青少年，較為嚴格的教育往往可以保護他們免於行為偏差及逞兇鬥狠。對於父母心理較不穩定的青少年，同樣的教育方式就不適用在他們身上」。
Whether a person is happy or unhappy depends on how much pressure he feels, and how much he pressure he feels depends on the psychological stress resistance that an individual has cultivated since childhood.
Factors such as personal characteristics, social environment, and education all play a part.
So while the same amount of stress might be overly painful for some, others might actually grow from the experience?
And how should we cultivate children to find the second level of happiness in our daily life?
Key point number one: establish an environment that has a beginning and an end
If the after school where you send your children to is a similar institution as AKHOschool, please be sure to discuss with the teacher about the [Consensual fixed pick-up time], [Things that must be completed every day] and [Consistency of incentives],[Consensual fixed pick-up time].
It makes it easier for teachers to arrange lessons for the children, and avoid the situation where parents pick up their children halfway through the class, letting children complete the entire lesson is respecting the teacher’s lesson arrangements and also the first step to implementing the idea of finishing what was started.
If you plan to pick up your children early, please inform your children and the teacher in advance so that your children and the teacher can be mentally prepared.
[Things that must be completed every day]
You must agree with the teacher on the things that must be completed every day. The purpose is to let your children learn to set standards for themselves. For example, the most basic is that you must complete your homework every day to go home, and you must complete your special training course to go home.
We must let the child know clearly, whether at home or school, that the tasks that must be done are his responsibility. And what must be avoided is to "transact" with the child on these necessary responsibilities.
[Consistency of incentives]
AKHOschool has a salary system that simulates the operation of a small society, this system is used to encourage children to recognize their responsibilities and obligations.
We communicate with parents about using a fixed exchange rate to convert AKHO salary to real money, letting their children earn their allowance. The purpose of this system is to integrate the reward methods of family and educational institutions. To set goals using this system, allowing children to achieve their set goals step by step through their own efforts.
Key point number two: Cultivate the correct attitude for doing homework and assignments
To achieve this, a very complete [two-way communication] between parents and teachers is necessary, not just the teacher giving feedback of the children’s situation or the observations made in the school, with the parents saying: “OK, I understand, I ’ll keep an eye out when we go home”. The more important thing is to [discuss together] and [make decisions together] so that we can objectively work out the best parenting strategy for your children.
Through the parents observations at home and the teachers' observations at school, we can understand the children's abilities in intelligence, physical skills, initiative, perseverance, creativity, concentration, etc, and then we can know whether the children's current working state is at it’s best, how much can we ask of the child? What are the reasons for not meeting the requirements made?
And more importantly: [Follow the school teacher's requests, don't criticize the teacher in front of the child], [Build the child's ability to require of himself on homework], and [Let the child find success from school work].
The textbooks and teaching materials of many schools are designed to be very lively already.
When discussing the requirements made by school teachers, let’s leave the matter of whether the school teacher’s request is too “old-fashioned” or not aside for now. We recommend that parents work with us to establish this mindset: “child, I believe you can meet the teacher’s requirements, It’s okay if you can’t do it now, but let’s work on it together”. Afterward, by observing the child's strengths and weaknesses and setting learning goals, we can meet the teacher’s requirements with the child step by step.
Parents are the children's leaders. Children are born to imitate their parents' attitudes and behaviors and give judgment accordingly. If parents show a dismissive or irrelevant attitude towards the requirements of school teachers and schoolwork, it is naturally difficult for children to learn the self-requiring attitude from them.
As society progresses, more and more emphasis is placed on collaboration and cross-discipline. How can a child who has an attitude of ”disregard", “I don’t care”, or isn't even serious about his passion find a foothold in the future?
As the child grows older, we should extend the child’s independent character from just appearance (cutting vegetables, washing dishes, using glass cups, sewing) to a deeper “psychological level of independence”, and naturally, these training are done through assignments and homeschool, as well as multi-disciplinary learning, to train the mind, body, and soul. (Some parents do not allow their children to cut vegetables, wash dishes, sew, and do cleaning work, instead they jump straight to the independent training of the spiritual level, requiring of their children’s learning attitude, which is a contradictory mentality).
Key point number three: Establishing consistent parenting principles
Children's behaviors are learned through imitation and observation, and the most influential people the children observe and imitate are parents. When education principles are not consistent, it is easy for children to develop bad coping strategies and deviated social behaviors.
If either parent sets a rule that cannot be fulfilled, resulting in lying in front of the child, it is also teaching the child that "it is okay to lie." And we should avoid making rules for children that we can’t stick to, such as: “If you do it one more time, I will never buy gifts for you again in the future", but when the child does try it one more time, it is really difficult for us to ”never buy gifts for him again”, therefore it will cause children to learn that ”principles don't matter" and “words don't matter”.
So, when establishing the principles of parenting, we should avoid making rules that cannot be carried out.
Therefore, we should avoid setting difficult rules that are decided emotionally, such as saying words like: ”forever" and "never in the future".
There should be good [two-way communication] and [respect of profession] between parents and teachers.
For example, AKHOschool will invite parents to discuss when observing the situation of the child, and the true meaning of two-way communication lies in the consensus on education between parents and teachers, to truly give children what is objective and consistent.
We have also encountered a relatively bad situation: when the teacher discovers the child's problem, and informs and invites the parents to a group discussion, beforehand, the parents discuss and decide to implement a plan, and unilaterally inform the contents of the made decision and asks the teacher to accept and cooperate with the plan, this is also a form of disrespect towards the professionalism of the educator.
For the consistency of the children's education, the parent's side should learn the importance of parent-teacher cooperation and teamwork, while the teacher's side should strengthen their communication, analysis, observation, and teamwork skills to keep the balance between respecting the profession and maintaining the profession.
After formulating the principles, both parents and teachers can work together to formulate the children's educational goals and reward mechanisms. At the same time avoiding “transaction” with the children to allow them to complete their homework quickly. raising children who understand the true meaning of "happy learning".
Change the way of complementing: Complement the children for working hard and a good heart, don't overly praise them for being smart, stop telling children that they are special.
Everything in life requires hard work. When a five-year-old child enters kindergarten, and for the past five years he has constantly heard “you are so smart", "you are a good painter", "you are a super great soccer player”, Imagine how he felt when he realized that everyone actually performs just as good as him.
He was constantly told that he was smart and good at certain things, but in his heart, in the circuit somewhere inside his head, it was clear that he was really no different from the others.
These conflicting facts feed the feelings of insecurity, fear, and shame, and the child will avoid challenges because of the fear of failure.
Are this process and result very familiar?
Small changes can make a big difference
Maybe after reading this, many parents will think, "Oh my God! It's hard to educate children! How can we use and apply these principles?"
But believe us, if we start to take a small step from our home, we will understand that some small changes can be made, and this small change will have a huge impact, especially for younger children.
Every child has a talent
Back to "Happy Learning."
“Resilience” is the key to whether children can learn happily. After all, in the process of learning, it is impossible to avoid all setbacks, and children can't have only the facet of being ”happy”.
The core to implementing all of this must also be based on the belief that "each child has special qualities and abilities", to cultivate the children's resilience from life, curriculum, and schoolwork.
Child and adolescent psychologist Georg Kormann also emphasized: "We must maintain a rigorous attitude. Depending on the social environment, certain factors that can increase resilience may also have a negative impact on individual cases. For adolescents growing up in poverty more stringent education can often protect them from behavioral deviations and fierce fighting. For adolescents whose parents are more unstable, the same education method does not apply to them”.
And these are exactly the reasons why AKHOschool emphasizes "parent-teacher cooperation".
Stop feeding your children “sensory” happiness!
Children who are overly pursuing sensory happiness usually start to face deep setbacks in the third grade. Now, do we choose to keep the children happy? Or make up for it?
It is up to the wisdom of the parents.